Kelduo

from Heartfeldt by Blackenart

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about

Yet frequently something fills me up with emptiness, makes no sense but that really describes it. i tend to stare at things for a while when i am being depressingly reflective. i look at the tiny things in life, imagine what life would be like in that microcosm of whatever i am staring at. tonight, it was my ice cream cone. i watched the surface slowly melt and cling onto the cone. I watched some of it drip down sides in a desperate but futile attempt to free themselves from the surface. I continued to watch as I walked down the Merrimack river, Imagining the process of the formation of the ice cream into the cone I had made. it seems like it was together all happy but then was scooped up being separated only to be consumed in its short life. i watched the particles of the cone fall as I walked, examining the particles. i almost felt guilty for eating it afterwards.
i guess by looking at things at that level in that detail makes me feel small, invisible, and able to hide in spaces myself. for some reason, isolation relieves the loneliness. when i am with others, i have no excuse for being lonely.

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from Heartfeldt, released May 15, 2013

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Blackenart Lowell, Massachusetts

I walk around in a daze...
my hollowed out interior
filled with smoky gloom,
choking off all joy.
Just as life begins to clear,
I gasp aloud at the realization,
you're not here;
you never will be again.
I wilt like a waterlily
in the desert.
I walk around in a daze...


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